Saturday, December 31, 2011
The News from Lake Mo-Begone
Brought to you by Powdermilk Falafel -- made from couscous raised in the rich swamplands of the Tigris-Euphrates river valley by Kurdish bachelor farmers; so you know they're not only good for you, but halal. . . mostly. Couscous that gives shy mujaheed the strength to get up and do what needs to be done. Mashallah they're tasty, and expeditious!
Also brought to you by Abdul's Pretty Good 7-11, where Aziz "Ace" Stollensen makes sure to include the tipbox into his monthly zakat to overseas "charities".
And don't forget your Prayerful Oatmeal -- "Radical Fundamentalist Militant Extremist Islamism in a box", or even think of leaving Stu's Market without some Al-Shabaab Lamb Kabobs and Uncle Mushfiq's All-Goat Triple Halal Sausage Links in your cart: "Ass salami, you likem!"
* * *
Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Mo-Begone. Rasheed and Hassan stopped off at the Twitterbox Cafe on their way to the Camelback Tap, to pass along the gossip about Imam Inqvist of the Lake Mo-Begone Lutheran Mosque, who they claimed had apostasized...
"He must be killed, doncha know!" Banafsha said without mincing words, as she set their rhubarb mazurkas on the counter.
"Ya sure, you betcha, Banny."
The other guys on the stools nodded their assent.
"I hope you Habibi have some good news."
And oh they did: Bob Krittermeyer told them the latest: Hussein, the youngest son of Ibrahim and Aisha, had martyred himself in the Dar-al-Harb for Allah! Allah-Looyah! He is in Paradise now! Inshallah!
Meanwhile, over in the corner, Imam Dagwood of the Our Lady of Perpetual Jihad Sunni Institute, raised his Turkish coffee to toast them.
Other than that, they'd heard that the Lake Mo-Begone Mad Wahhabis softball team was getting their paintball guns ready for spring training...
As for the stoning of Ingmar Salhab, the widow who claimed she'd been raped but couldn't get four Norwegian bachelors to back up her story, that had been put off another week, so Yusuf "Joe" Hansen claimed, because of the heavy snows, even into late April this year. Joe oughta know -- he's got an ear to the Grand Mufti of Styornborn County, ever since he was honored to be chosen to marry his ten-year-old daughter.
Well, that's the news from Lake Mo-Begone.
Lake Mo-Begone: Where all the Muslims are wrong, all the goats are good-looking, and all the Dhimmis are above average.
Assalamu Aleikom wa Rahmatoh Allah wa Barakatoh.
Note: The word woebegone does not mean "devoid of woe" but rather means a situation or condition that has "gone to woe" (as in the saying "gone to the dogs"); meaning succumbed to, or beset by, woe. Ironically, the word "begone" in all other contexts is used to rid one of something, as in the Biblical saying, "Satan, begone!" If only my pun "Mo-begone" meant that, instead of what Leftists like Garrison Keillor through their richly saturated PC MC are doing their best to enable: a West gone to the Mohammedan dogs.